Clubbing and face control in Moscow





Clubbing in Moscow
Well the good news is there is a lot of variety and plenty of choice but the bad news is that a lot of the more ok places have face control- a Moscow stable that doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere soon. Some of the places in the list are populated by absolute douches and, for me, are genuinely unpleasant places to be. I prefer a more low-key affair without a lot of the bullshit snobbery that comes with Moscow clubbing.

But in 2012, you'll still have to deal with face control, although there are now more 'normal-friendly' places than ever, but in case you were wondering:

What is Face Control?
It’s like a type of dress/attitude code that decides whether or not you will be entering a club. There are some things to do to help increase your chances of getting into a club and they are:

Be an arrogant douche to the crowd, but not to the oxraniki
Don’t arrive obviously drunk or impoverished
Keep crowd numbers low and try to bring women with you, preferably one on each arm
REPEAT: wandering bands of sausage will have less chance so, try to enter in groups of no more than 2 guys

If it doesn’t look like you are getting in you can try to discretely offer the oxranik 500-1000 roubles which might work in some places.

Being refused
Normally when you get face controlled the oxraniks tell you that there is either: 
A) a private party or B) club card only. 
Sometimes this will actually be the case but most of the time they are just blowing smoke up your ass. One time I remember waiting in line for some pretentious douche palace when they pulled the club card line on someone in front of me (one of Moscow’s less stylish patrons); the best part was that this guy actually had one! 

The oxraniks were caught off guard for a minute and simply had to tell him there was no way he was coming in. This, unfortunately, is a part of Moscow nightlife - A fat guy with a shit hair cut called Boris decides you are not stylish/rich enough for a club and there’s nothing you can do about it

                                                       Meet your fashion judges for the night 

Before you plan a night out, make sure you have a plan B and C because face control is unpredictable.
The sad fact is that most of these clubs just want rich people or people that look rich. The more arrogant you are, the more chances you have. I personally don’t like this snob mentality and try to stay away from a lot of these clubs now. The people there really make me sick so I tend to go to places with a more chilled atmosphere.

There are plenty of places to try so I advise hitting hit one up each week to get a feel for what places and crowds you like.


Some Clubs




With that in mind, you should be set to take on Moscow clubs? Below is a list of some places that you could start with. I haven’t been to all of them but some come highly recommended. I'm making some slight updates since now it's 2012 the there is a bit more variety. So in no particular order, here are some clubs you might check out:

Pappa Johns (Pappas place) (bit small, crowded but ok as a plan B or C)

Real MCcoys (slut filled)


Booze bub (decent for pregame, no cover, but not a club)

Tema Bar (can get a bit packed, fairly relaxed FC and decent coctails. get be a nightmare getting served tho. Try the red hot slammer - some barmen make it, others refuse )
Hard Rock café (easy face control, ok music and reasonable prices - cover charge on the expensive side)
Famous

Propaganda

Opera

Rai

Most

Crizis zhanra

So-Ho Rooms

Krisha – face control starts at 3am before which you need to be on the list or have a club card

Ninja Vanil – no face control but extremely pricy drinks

Solyanka - was douche central when I was there and the cover charge was expensive, although a lot of people like the music 

Mix

Garage

Zona

Karma bar (about 500 cover, but reasonable FC and decent place)


Gogol - cheap, almost no face control and an interesting mix of people and girls - One of mhy favorites. There are always a few expats rolling around Gogol on a saturday and friday night. you're guaranteed to see the Russian stomp dance there too 


Rolling Stones Bar 


Gipsy


HAVE YOUR SAY!
If you are a club veteran and want to add recommendations, reviews or experiences, e-mail me and I’ll start a club review section made up of reader contribution.


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2 comments:

Anna on October 18, 2013 at 12:31 PM said...

Boy, this brings back memories. About a month after I landed back I was invited to a bday party for a fellow expat (someone from one of the former republics but also mostly western-based/educated/worked etc). After the dinner we went to some very face-control-y place off of Bolotnaya Nab. There was a line around the block. The bouncers were being hard-core. Well, at this point I am a couple (ahem) cocktails down already, and it's December and cold and like 1am, and I am thinking - oh HELL no. Also, it's been a few years since I heavily hit the club scene in NYC and it was usually w my sister - a 7 years younger charmer. I never stood in a single line with her, ever. So, I wasnt going to start now, esp with my fresh off the boar Yankee obnoxiousness. I went straight to the door - past a 60-ppl line - and asked the mountain of a man if I could come in. He sized me up. He said, ok (I wasnt even wearing a fur! Just an obnoxious attitude apparently). I said I was not alone. He asked how many. I said 10. He said ok. I waved at my group (whom I just met) - 3 more girls and 6 guys. We all just marched in. I told the dude thank you and never looked back. I STILL dont know how this happened. Oh wait...the cocktails of bravery...

Lt. Columbo on October 22, 2013 at 9:21 AM said...

Yeah, it seems that they approve of the arrogance ! maybe it's a secret test !

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