Russians and Subway

Many have heard that Russia is like a riddle, wrapped inside a mystery inside an enigma and as it turns out, one of those riddles is wrapped inside a subway sandwich...

If subway had been open when I was writing about the 5 most annoying things in Russia here, I'm  sure I would have included this, but alas, it wasn't and so I'm putting it here.
For those outside of Russia, you probably won’t be able to grasp what I'm about to describe - for those who do and enjoy partaking in the carb-fest that is Subway, I'm sure you’ve shared this pain.

Firstly, it seems that most Russians just don’t get subway. Something about it makes a look of pure confusion wash over their faces, then follows a barrage of endless questions and double-backs throughout the whole sandwich-ordering experience. This translates into precious time waiting in line. The slowness reminds me of being stuck behind someone at an ATM who is paying all their bills at once or doing some ridiculously long transaction - the card comes out, you thing finally the wait is over and then the bastards SLOT THE CARD BACK IN!

Coming back to Subway, I noticed that the confusion is compounded when there are, say, three people that have never been there before. The group chaos that ensues is enough to make you think they were trying to crack cold fusion, in which case I'd totally understand. Except they’re not, they’re ordering a fucking sandwich.

First off, the problems begin with the line. As we all know, Russians are not known for their line-forming prowess at the best of times and this is made worse in subway, where you stand by the meat first, not by the cash register.

Not standing by the cash register first leads to this

The one I visit on a daily basis even has a sign saying “please queue here”, but it may just as well say “please ignore me at all costs”.
One they finally stand in the right asked what they want, they proceed to ask “what do you have?”

OK, fair question, except that, there is an expansive menu set out right in front of you, prices and everything.
While I sit and wait patiently for every possible sandwich combination to be explained, and price enquirers to be made (remember that board I mentioned a minute ago?) a line starts 
simultaneously forming in the wrong place .

Once we finally get passed the highly complex and challenging selections of salads the server asks: “What sauce would you like”?

then, while standing eye-level, right in front of the sauce list, the customer says:

“what sauce do you have?”

Love you as I do Russia, there is just something magical about Subway that Russians don’t seem to get..

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Anonymous said...

your blog is hilarious! Its super entertaining and accurate! Keep at it:)

Lt. Columbo on November 15, 2013 at 11:50 AM said...


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