How i ended up in Russia part one




People end up in Moscow and Russia for all kinds of different reasons, today I figured I’d write about what brought to Russia and what kept me there for 7 years. This will be a two-partner and probably not so interesting for everyone, so you have been warned!

My interest in Russian stud started up was about 17 and taking a computer course in college (English college is not like American college, for those Americans of you out there) which I hated. Seeing as how I sucked balls at computers I started to think about what else I could do. I was always quite good at languages and so I thought I’d have a go at learning the Cyrillic alphabet since it seemed like an exotic challenge at the time.  Some people like high-octane sports, others want to become professional wrestlers – I got my rocks off learning the Russian language.


               not a day goes by that the ultimate warrior doesn't wish he could have learned Russian


The more I learned, the more I enjoyed it and the worse I did at my computing course, the more I got into Russian-related things.
I don’t know why, but I couldn't get enough of it. I could sit with my self study books and work for hours. I think because so few people are proficient in Russian, getting good at it gave me a kind of ego boost I think, plus I was doing it on my own – no tests, no bullshit.

I ended up dropping the computer course and started working full time at a clothes shop where I became the manager of a small concession lining of clothing. My nickname was the child manager because I was 17, although I looked 15.

Unfortunately, I, the child manager, sucked and wasn’t making enough sales (I was never good at pushing sales).

That job was fun, but all the same I decided to go back to college to get at least one bit of paper while Her Majesty’s government was still paying for my education. I took a Spanish course and a history course because I like history and the Russian revolution was on the menu. 

I liked Spanish, but hated having to go to College and by this time, I had set my dream as going to Russia. I was getting pretty restless and fed-up with my home city, looking back this was just a youth thing, not so much there was anything wrong with my life etc.
I know and knew that learning languages doesn’t pull in the big bucks but nothing was going to stop me.  

                                    making those learning Russian dollars like a pimp boss baby

I had to retake the year and then I did about 5 months working construction with my uncle to save up the money to go on an exchange to get me to Russia. (for anyone in the UK who is interested, the company was called Gap Year).

The deal with the exchange was that we would be teaching some conversational classes and getting Russian classes in return. My Russian had gotten quite good at this point (although I still found it very hard to understand stuff). Also, within two weeks of arriving I had officially slept with one of my students breaking a horrendous two year dry spell I had been enduring (keep in mind I was 19 at this point, not some old, deranged pervert).
  
My first five months in Moscow were amazing. I met some of the most fun people I’ve met. One even went on to become a reality TV star in America, I keep in touch with the hope that when he hits the big time I can live in the servant’s wing of his mansion while enjoying the trickle-down fame benefits.
While I  met some great people, unfortunately,my Russian didn't improve much.

I made it to most classes, but I was hanging out with some Americans that were on our dorm floor, partying till about 5am three days a week, watching endless scrubs on a friend's laptop and speaking almost non-stop English. I found a Russian girlfriend after a month or two, but we spoke English so I wasn’t getting the maxim language benefit, although I had been the go-to fixer of problems for any other the other English speakers. In my 5 months, I did manage to bribe security guards in a labyrinth-like Russian hospital, translate my first case of insurance fraud for my future-star liability friend and get my stress-resilience levels up but my time in Russia had run out all too soon.

At this point, I really was dreading going back to the UK, I was actually having nightmares about it. I had almost no money left and no clue what I was going to be doing. I hated the thought of this amazing experience ending and me ending up in some boring office job, telling ‘back when I was in Russia stories’ to a bunch of people who couldn’t give two fucks.

Sadly, for almost a year at least, that was exactly what happened.

Go to part two 




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4 comments:

Pro Carpet Cleaning on May 30, 2013 at 5:28 PM said...

You certainly got a lot further than my Da, Privet and Spasibo!

Varun Agrawal on October 9, 2015 at 11:49 PM said...

> telling ‘back when I was in Russia stories’ to a bunch of people who couldn’t give two fucks

exactly same happened

DEJAN V on January 3, 2017 at 5:56 AM said...

hey i know im late but do you still live in russia? i love the blog almost read everything, i plan on going their in less than a year and would love you advice and opinion on things

Lt. Columbo on January 5, 2017 at 9:51 PM said...

Hey man, thanks for reading.

i'm not out of Russia with wife and kid, living in Bulgaria.

But, if you have any questions, you can drop me and e-mail and i'll be happy to help any way i can

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