Ordering fast food - Russian style




(UPDATE: since writing this post, we got a car and so I'm saved on the weekends when it comes to getting my fast food fix. Also, the company Dilevero now seem to suck ass and only offer up one or two choices of delivery. They were far better when I originally wrote this post)

I've always found the choice of takeaway food a bit limiting here. I'm stuck in a rut of vastly overpriced (and under-filling) sushi, pizza and sometimes burgers from a burger delivery place called MyBurger. Sadly, MyBurger pales in comparison to Burger King.

Of all those, the clear winner is usually Pappa John’s pizza which is delicious and well-priced, but shit, I can’t live on pizza alone

                                                                  Although Michelangelo would beg to differ

So, a couple off weekends ago I decided to correct this when I stated craving variety from my sinful fast-food ordering. A Google search led me to this place – delivero. Imagine my surprise when I learned they would deliver pretty much anything, even my personal favourite Burger King.

For the slightly overpriced fee of 400 roubles, they will send one of their guys to any place you want to get the food you want and, as a bonus, they have a very easy to use site too – a big plus for people like me who are, basically, website snobs.

This is the perfect kind of niche business opportunity that still exists all over Russia. The guys at delivero know there are people like me out there who like a fix of transfats, but don’t like spending precious travel time to clog my beautiful arteries. 

                                                                                                   indeed

Everything was smooth sailing – until the food was ordered. I had decided KFC was what I wanted to stuff my fat, yet incredibly chissled, face with. Since my girlfriend was along for the ride, I ordered two of the biggest, Colonel-fucking-licious buckets I could, along with a muffin for good measure.

The order came to about 1100 roubles I think, sure, a high price to pay for the Colonel, but what you need to remember is there were two buckets and I knew there would be enough for at least 2 maybe three more meals – a much better investment than a one-off sushi order that runs in the region of 1000-1500.

For me, paying so much for sushi is kind of like getting an over-priced handjob from a hooker.


s                                                                                Self-loathing guaranteed!

While the order process was smooth, the wait wasn’t. We were waiting for that KFC for a good three fucking hours.

Three hours!

There is no KFC anywhere near us, so the delivery guy was literally on the other end of Moscow, battling in a line filled with sweaty, chicken-hungry Russians.
Considering I was hungry and waiting for something (the two magic buttons that usually never fail to flip my rage switch), I was pretty calm.

When the guy finally showed up, I accidently overpaid him. As usual, instead of taxing my brain to find the right amount of money, I purposely gave more to wait for the change (I’ve paid for this multiple times including an accidental 400 rouble tip last week!)

You see, as I was paying, our puppy got out of the flat and was running around, I got distracted, just grabbed him and forgot about the precious cash. The delivery guy thought the extra was tip.
Once I sat down to eat, I realized I had basically fucked myself.


                                                            Another dose of self-loathing please

In vagina-drying fashion, I called them back, explained the mistake I made and asked if they could refund some of the money to my phone instead (it’s quite easy to put money on phones so this was a good option). To my surprise, they were fine with the idea.

Problem solved, except they got the amount wrong and actually put the money on my girlfriend's phone instead, but still.

So was it worth the wait? I would say, yes, because of the experience. I like having more delivery options for when I'm feeling like staying in. 
If you decide to try them, just make sure you make your order before you’re hungry and leave PLENTY of time!  


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